ARIANNA'S ADVENTURES

Christmas 2009

Wow, I cannot believe my baby girl is 5 years old already! We are already making plans for next Christmas - and spending it with friends and family up north!  Pictures are below.

Happy Holidays!

HAPPINESS IS....

BACKYARD FUN

Click on any picture to enlarge.

I just LOVE riding my tricycle!!

I am getting so good at peddling around the yard and our street!!

Listen Mommy, I hear a plane!!

Look Mommy, I see a plane!!!

I do, I do, it's over there!! Look Mommy, its over there!!

I just love T-Ball!!   Batter Up!

Swing....

Wow, what a fast swing!!!!

It's a home run!!!! 

Gotta go get my ball now....

Random Pictures

Too cute for my jacket...(not too bad for a kid who just had a flu shot!)

Cheezzzz

Princess Arianna

On the carousel at the North Carolina Zoo 10-13-07.

Riding the baby elephant.

Arianna just adores Kimberly!

We have a tradition of getting a group picture anytime we visit a zoo.  The last one with with my brother last December at the Philly Zoo.  Unfortunately, we waited until we were almost ready to leave, by which time my little Princess was quite tired and, dare I say it, cranky. It certainly was a great day (but then any day we spend with Kimberly is usually pretty great :-). 

Ladybug Sighting

Come on rain, I'm ready for ya!

Have you even seen a cuter ladybug?

Early Morning Cheez

Well, definitely not my best picture, but we had such a good time with this impromptu early morning (like 6AM, still in bed early morning) photo shoot.  I love this picture because it is to totally real.  A little snuggle time every morning.  I must say, it amazes me that my daughter wakes up looking adorable, full of energy and ready to go.  Me, not so much...

INTRODUCING YOGI

Welcome home Yogi!!  Yogi is a 3lb 11 oz 6 week old pug puppy.  We originally were going to call him Yoda, but apparently half the pugs in the State of NC are named Yoda.  So, in sticking with my Yankee tradition, we changed his name to Yogi.  As you can see, Arianna is over the moon!

Our family now includes 2 cats (Perry and Lucky),   2 mini frogs (Diego and Boots), 1 Beta fish (Burt), and the world's cutest puppy!

ON THE MOVE

That's right, we are on the move - literally.  Goodbye New Jersey - Hello North Carolina!  We leave on June 8th and I can't wait!!!  It has been a long time since I lived down South and I am so looking forward to living there again!!  Arianna is looking forward to a "new house" because "our house broken"  too cute!!  Anytime someone moves (my brother just moved to Florida) she thinks it is because their house is broken.  Moving with a toddler will be quite an adventure I am sure!

More details will follow by email. 

Random Pictures - February and March

Well, here is the pictures catch up!!  I am truly amazed at how grown up Aria is beginning to look.  No more toddler.  She is all little girl now!

I'm not really touching it...

Truer words have never been written.  The red mark on her face is the remnant of a bite she received from a fellow classmate back in January.  I am hoping it will not scar, but only time will tell. 

"Curling up" with cousin Brianna

Changing the mean of "riding the bus"

Future Photographer!!

Ladybug luv! (Thank for the great chair Aunt Joanna!!)

GIGGLES!!!  Uncle Harry and Aunt Emma are soooo funny!!

I just love birthday parties!!!

 

Oooh Maammmaa!!  That's Arianna's new favorite phrase.  This Elmo Cookie, compliments of Aunt Susan, got a very drawn out Ooohhh Maaammmaaa!!

Aria and her "Emme" aka Aunt Emma.  Aunt Emma took such great care of us while I was recouperating from surgery!!  Truly a Godsend and I will be eternally grateful!!!

Hiatus

Yes, I have been on blogger hiatus of late - both posting and reading.  So much has been going on, I just do not have the time to follow any of my favorite blogs, much less post to my own.  Thus, I am contemplating ending this blog.  I am just be pulled in so many directions right now.    My house is still on the market, I am still recouperating from a laparascopy 2 1/2 weeks ago, and if that wasn't enough, I went and got braces!  Yes, at 30 something I am wearing braces again (yes, again - 2nd time around).  I should buy stock in Tylenol - it's sure to go up with as much as I am buying.  I just don't have time to breathe lately and am feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

That being said, I have managed to take some pictures and will try to get a few posted over the weekend.  I will also be contemplating whether this this blog has outserved its usefulness. 

A Great Start

Arianna has been a bit of a challenge of late.  Her favorite word is "No", she rarely gives out kisses (I certainly hope she's this stingy with kisses when she is 16) and she nothing more than pushing me to the out brinks of sanity.  But then we have a morning like today and all the frustrations of the past few weeks just melt into a faint memory. 

Arianna's first words this morning were "Love you Momma" accompanied by a big hug and lots of kisses.  There were no clothing arguments today, no meltdowns over which shoes or what color socks to wear (my girl would live in black boots and orange socks if I let her).  Then she ate all of her breakfast, happily put her coat AND mittens on and announced "go school now momma".  Wow!  What a transformation!  We sang all the way to school.  When we arrived she gathered up her blanket (yes, blanket - do not call it a blankie or she will correct you) and skipped, yes skipped (well, at least her version of skipping) down the sidewalk to the front door.  She let me sign her in without grabbing for the pen, waited for me before heading up the stairs, said "hello" to everyone she encountered and walked right into her classroom.  Once there, she took off her coat and announced every child as they walk in, as well as what they were wearing!  Russell here, orange shirt.  Steph here, pink shirt.  It was too funny.

As I kissed her goodbye we had this discussion:

Arianna:            Milk Momma, peez

Me:                  No honey, no milk today.  You have juice.

Arianna:            No milk, juice

Me:                  Yes, and why do you have juice today?

Arianna:            Cough – Arianna cough, no milk, juice

Me:                  That’s right baby, and what do we do when we cough?

Arianna puts her hand over her mouth and smiles.

Days just don't start any better than this!!

CANCER

Disturbing title for a post, isn't it?  But that is where my head is today, so I am going with it.  Personally, I loathe the word.  Cancer is an violent intruder.  I enters your home uninvited, locates its victim and savagely violates them.  Cancer took my mother's life, but not before it robbed her of her independence, dignity and vision, not to mention elements of her persona, leaving her with only the memory of the old life unwillingly relinquished.  Leaving her loved ones with the memory of a bright light that was extinguished far too early.   

I never react well the news of a new victim, whether I know them or not.  Somehow, once you have been touched by this disease you are silently indoctrinated into a society to which you would rather not belong. 

I have a dear friend who has been harboring this unwanted guest for some time now.  Several weeks ago part of her brain became involved in the battle.  I have spent the past few weeks mentally vacillating between the past with my mom and the present in an vain attempt to find some sort of logic in the chaos that this disease brings, and leaves behind.  And once again I am left feeling utterly useless. 

I am sure that the tone of this post imparts my frustration and anger.  My anger that so many are affected by this disease.  My anger that it stole my mother's life and my fear that it will take more.

I suppose I never truly came to terms with mom's death.  For 2 years our concentration was on her survival.  It is a strange and difficult transition to make - from survival to grief.  I never truly had a chance to mourn.  Less then 3 weeks after my mom's death I received my daughter's referral and thus began the whirlwind of travel plans, of becoming a mom so far away from home and simply adjusting to my new life as a single mother.  Life begotten from death.  The fact that I had to lose my mother in order to become one still stings.      

APPLE FESTIVAL

Today was the annual Apple Festival at Peddler's Village in Lahaska, PA.  Arianna and I met up with A Bo (a/k/a Uncle Bill) Aunt Kirstin and my brother's in-laws and boy did we ever have a great day!!  Arianna had her first Carousel ride and I have to say, she loves carousels just as much as her momma!!!  CLICK ON ANY PICTURE TO ENLARGE.

 

Funny thing, she didn't want anything to do with the horses that had furry tails, only the ones with molded tails (diddo for the pigs and bunnies - this girl only wanted to ride on a real carousel horse)!!

Of course, all that up and down, round and round makes a girl pretty hungry, so off to dinner we went - on tonites menu (and Arianna's face) - MUSHROOMS!

and did I mention how much "Aria" loves her A Bo??

All in all a great family day!!

Left to right:  Kirstin (my SIL), Brandon (her brother), A Bo (my brother Bill), me and Arianna.  Many thanks to the kind woman who offered to take this picture for us!!

Missing Loved Ones

Everyone knows how much Arianna loves her "A Bo" - my brother Bill.  He lives 2 hours away and works retail, so we are lucky if we see him once a month.  Though usually we speak to him a few times each week.  The past two weeks we haven't.  Our schedules just haven't matched up.  So, Arianna hasn't spoken to him in 2 weeks or seen him in more than a month.  She misses him - tremendously.  On Wednesday she had a complete meltdown - on the floor hysterically crying just sobbing Abo inbetween the gasps.  It broke my heart.  We actually called him at 7:00 in the morning and left him a message.  That was the ONLY thing that soothed and calmed her.  She has been talking about him at school.  She asks for him every morning and each night when I pick her up.  Hopefully we can talk to him today. 

This is the second time she has expressed strong feelings about missing a person.  The first was her friend Ella from school.  But Ella's absence never elicited this kind of a reaction from my girl. 

Someone loves her A Bo very much (maybe even more than blanket).

Pneumonia

Yes, that's right, Arianna has pneumonia - double pneumonia actually.  The past few days have been pure hell.  According to her pediatrician, her pneumonia was caused by a cold gone bad.  It all started simply enough.  On Thursday I got a call from school that she was running a fever, not too bad 101.  We went to the doctor Thursday night and all was clear.  No sign of any infection, lungs were clear, just a stuffy nose and fever.  Diagnosis was a viral infection - it should run its course and she'd be fine in a day or two.  Boy oh boy was that ever far from the truth.

Of course the fever spiked on Thursday night and flirted with 105, but I was able get it under control.  Then the vomitting started.  Poor kid had it coming out all ends.  We stayed home on Friday and I was still confident this was nothing too serious.  Probably some sort of a stomach bug.  I figured if I could keep her hydrated she'd be okay.  WRONG. 

Everything changed as Friday evening rolled in.  The vomitting got out of control and I could not even keep the motrin down, so the fever went out of control too.  By 2 AM on Saturday her temp was up to 106 and she was starting to dehydrate (chapped lips, dry mouth, sunken in eyes) and shake.  The only reason I did not rush to the ER was that (1) she had a damp diaper, so I knew she not totally dehydrated yet and more importantly (2) her temp was rising so fast I was scared at what would happen during the 20 ride to the hospital.  I have never been so scared.  My goal was to just get the temp down and get some more fluids in her ASAP.  In hindsight I could have called 911, but at the time I just didn't think about it.

I called the pediatric triage line while I had my baby in the cool tub and talked to the nurse over Arianna's screams.  It never ceases to amaze me how the medical field does not think that a 105 or 106 temp is cause for concern.  They don't get concerned until 107 - well, HELLO - 106 isn't too far off!! 

So, I started giving her Pediasure by a medicine dropper one teaspoon every 15 minutes.  That is the only thing that kept her out of the hospital.  One teaspoon every 15 minutes is enough to keep a 24 (now 22.5) pound kid hydrated.  Hospitals are so traumatic for little kids, especially this young, when they don't understand the gravity of their situation.  I really didn't want to sit in an ER for hours letting her further dehydrate until the could get her hooked up to an IV and I really didn't want her to have an IV at all if I could avoid it.

Saturday morning we were back at the doctor, then at the hospital for chest X-Rays.  The doctor suspected pneumonia - high fever, worstening condition, cough, labored breathing, but her lungs still SOUNDED clear.  The X-ray did confirm it - pneumonia - in both lungs.  I was blown away.  Thrilled to have a explanation, but totally blown away.  How did she get this?  I always thought of pneumonia as one of those things you could avoid if you received proper care.  I was wrong.  Keeping her hydrated was still an issue.  Thankfully, my kid LOVES ELMO - thank you Adam and Eve for making Elmo Juice!  It is the ONLY thing my kid would voluntarily drink (not that she was drinking much of it, but anything was better than nothing at that point).  Throw Elmo's picture onto a juice box and shazaam - magic!

Sunday was no better, only her temperature was a bit better - it only topped out at 105.5.  But let me tell you, she got cantankerous!  Down right mean even!  I saw a side of my kid I didn't know existed.  She was trying to break things, hitting, kicking, pulling tails, biting, head butting me.  Just down right mean.   I don't know if it was the fever, the experience or the meds, but boy oh boy it was rough. On top of all this, she could not let me put her down, or sit down for that matter.  We spent 3 days essentially standing up, walking the house, with her on my shoulder.  When she would finally drop off I could lie down.  She has been sleeping on my chest.  Actually it made life easier.  I never had to check on her.  I could feel the cough, feel her temp and give her comfort all at the same time.

Today is better, finally.  Not good, but better.  The cough is nasty, but the fever is down just under 101 she is drinking willing again and even starting to get back a bit of an appetite.  Doctor thinks the fever should break in the next day or two and she should be able to go back to school on Wednesday or Thursday.  Hopefully my little girl will be back to her wonderful happy and healthy self by the weekend.  In the meanwhile, a great big THANK YOU to Joanna, Joanna's mom and my Aunt Emma.  Thank you so much to for being there, your help, information and advise are so appreciated. 

A Really Sick Kid

Arianna has pneumonia.  We are both drained and no where near being out of the woods yet.  I am having a hard time keeping her fever down (it spiked to 106 last night) and we have been at the dr. daily, and I am giving her fluids through a medicine dropper to keep her hydrated.  I am trying to avoid hospitalizing her. 

Neither of us has really slept for 2 days now (and boy do I ever need a shower).  It is times like this that being a single parent is overwhelming, but we will get through it.  I am just worried about my little girl. 

More when we reach the other side of this. 

K

The Daddy Question at 20 months

Arianna is one smart cookie.  Not much gets past her, including the fact that all her school buddies have daddies and she doesnt.  She always makes note of daddies (mommies are just a given - no excitement for her there).  But she gets so excited when someone's daddy shows up.  Mad Dad (Maddy's daddy), Lil Dadda (Lilly's dady),  daddeee (Avery's daddy).  She actually differentiates them.  But what really took me by surprise when she asked where her's was.  That blew me away.  I mean, I knew it would come up, but I thought she would be closer to three. 

She is getting more and more verbal, and when an inquisitive kid gets verbal, you get LOTS of questions!!  Some of them are just easier to explain then others.

My Kid is Brilliant

So last weekend I had a BBQ - good, food, good company, lots of pools and water play for the kids.  Well, Arianna has this really cool toddler pool (well, 2 of the actually - one is the old fashioned hard plastic).   Well, she's playing in the "cool pool" when she notices that the water escaping through overflow holes (there is one on each side).  So, like any toddler, she sticks her finger in the hole to pug it up.  Didn't work (of course), so she hops out and tries to catch the water in her cupped hands and throw it back in the pool.  Hmm, that didn't work too well either.  So, she goes over to the sandbox and grabs a cup and heads back to catch all that water escaping the pool!  Much more efficient.  However, the water still kept coming (of course) and she eventually got bored and headed back to splashing about.  Amazing!!  I only wish I had actually seen it!!!  My friend Karen (up from NC with her adorable daughter Gwen) watched the whole show.  Then, I looked at the pictures from the day, and there she is, marching back to the pool with the cup! 

The Difference A Year Makes

One year ago:

My house seemed so very empty.
I had just buried my mom and could not imagine being one myself.
I had time to knit, read, quilt and scour the web.
I ate at restaurants that didn't have high chairs.
I ran most of my errands at night
I slept in on Sundays. 
I had never felt so alone.
Boomer was the baby of the house
I did not own one CD that contained "Wheels on the Bus"
I actually read the Sunday paper on Sunday.
I spoke on the phone without getting interrupted by a temper tantrum.
I didn't know "Wiggles" could be a noun.
My house did not contain one gate, cabinet lock or safety latch.
I had never been more sad.

Thank you Arianna for brightening up my every day!  You fill the house and my life with a happiness and joy that I never could have imagined.

A SAD ANNIVERSARY

A year ago today I said goodbye to my mom.  She had lapsed into a coma by that point, so I don't know if she heard me.  I don't know if she realized that my brother and I were there, that she was not alone.  I don't know if she realized that Father had come to give her last rights, as was so important to her.  I don't know if she heard us say "I love you Mom" over and over again.  I'd like to think she did, but I just don't know.

I wonder if I ever said Thank You to her.  I just don't remember.  After all, there was, is, so very much to thank her for.  Life to start, then love, lots of love.  For always being there, for all the good, no great, advice (and even the not so great advice) for always being supportive, for always listening, for always being there.  Just being there.  But now she is not.  The hole left by her passing is just as deep as it was a year ago.  The pain of the loss is just as sharp.  But somehow, the days have gotten easier.  I don't think you ever really get past losing someone, you just start to get used to it.  Where their presence was once normal, the lack of it now is.

All that having been said, I must also note that I am thankful too, thankful that she is no longer in pain, thankful that she once again has dignity and independence.  Thankful that she is no longer ill, no longer pondering her own mortality.  My mother kept a journal for a while after her diagnosis.  Several months after her death I read all the feelings and fears that she had not verbally shared.  She knew she was going to die.  It left me in awe of her resolve and resilience.  Despite her diagnosis she faced each new day with strength and determination.  I am thankful that she is past all that now.  Thankful that she is at peace.

It is amazing how much life can change in just one year.  So much has changed for me in this last year; motherhood being the biggest change.  My mom missed that.  She would have been such an awesome grandmother.  My daughter knows her face and will point to pictures and say "Granny".  I wish she could have more, albeit it was not in fate's plan.  There have been many times over the past year where I have momentarily forgotten her loss, times where I have thought "Oh, I have to call Mom" or "I just have to tell Mom about that" or "wouldn't Mom just love that bracelet" but then bitter sting of reality bears down, and I am forced to once again remember that she is gone. 

Strangely, this week seems to be filled with losses.  This time 2 years ago a close friend lost her father.  Then today my sister-in-law lost her grandmother.  I think we will approach this time next year with much anxiety and trepidation, wondering if it stops at three or if another loss is on the horizon. 

Today will be a time to remember.  To remember all the good times, funny stories and love of life that defined my Mother's days with us.  But it will be a sad day nevertheless, further saddened but yet another loss.